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Too Clever by Half 

A Comedy in Three Acts 



By 

C. A. PELLANUS 

Author of "^ New Start;' " The First 
Day of the Holiday s^' etc. 



BOSTON 
WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 
1914 



Too Clever by Half 



CHARACTERS 



Judge Simeon Adams, a well-to-do, kindly, pompous old bachelor, 
justice of the peace. 

Miss Burgess, his housekeeper. Self-important. With aspiring 
j7iatrimomal schejnes. 

Nathan Dean, the village constable. Bom in England. Fat- 
witted, and gidlible. 

Howard Foster, a Pinkerton detective. Too clever by half . 

Monsieur Gaspard, a Chef d' Ore hestre. 

. ■ ,, \ musicians. Britishers. 

A. Sharp j 

Mrs. Wordy, landlady of the village inn. 



Act I. The Judge's study, at Penrose Centre, Mass. 
Act II. The Garden-House, at Penrose Centre, Mass. 
Act III. The Judge's study, at Penrose Centre, Mass. 




Copyright, 19 14, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 

TMP96-036S17 

FEB 26 1914 

5)CLD 36167 



PREFACE 



This comedy was written for schoolboys between the ages of 
twelve and fifteen, who learned and acted it with ease and enjoy- 
ment. It will be seen that some of the parts are not unsuitable 
for girls, and that the play could adapt itself to persons older than 
those for whom it was composed. ^ 

The performance requires nothing that lies beyond the ordinary 
resources of a house, and the changes needed for Scene II can be 
made by the removal of table-cloths and books, and the intro- 
duction of a few garden tools ; for the last scene it is only neces- 
sary to restore the arrangements of the first. 

The dresses will be found to call for nothing more than a httle 
ingenuity ; that of the policeman may be furnished by braiding the 
sleeve of an overcoat, which is worn with a leather belt. A toy 
soldier-helmet, blackened, will complete the outfit. 



Too Clever by Half 



ACT I 

SCENE. — Judge Simeon Adams' study. 

(Judge is discovered seated at a writitig-table. After a 
short interval a bell is heard.) 

Judge. Ah ! I suppose that means lunch. When I want 
to be a little late, Miss Burgess is always inconveniently 
punctual. ( Continues writing. Bell rings again.") Miss 
Burgess is a little impatient this morning. ( Writes.) 

{Bell rings again.) 

Eiiter Miss Burgess. 

Miss B. Are you ever coming to your lunch, Judge? How 
can I possibly make you comfortable when you are so careless 
of yourself? Some housekeepers would be angry, Judge, they 
would, indeed. 

Judge. My dear Miss Burgess — a thousand pardons ; but 
the business of my office is large, and must be attended to. 

Miss B. Therefore, his lunch is small, and may be neg- 
lected. Come, Judge, have a little care for yourself; let the 
business wait until after lunch. 

Judge. I cannot thank you enough for your consideration. 
This morning, however, I am particularly busy. I must hear 
what Nathan has to report, and I have an appointment 
with Oh, yes ! by the way. Miss Burgess, 1 have de- 
cided to give a picnic to the neighbors. I am an old bachelor, 
but there is no reason why I — should — be 

Miss B. There is none whatever, Judge. 

Judge. I beg your pardon — I was about to say, there is no 
reason why I should be inhospitable on that account. 

Miss B. You are far too ki'nd, Judge ; your neighbors get 
far better treatment than they deserve. 

Judge. Oh, no, no, no ! They are good people, and I am 



6 TOO CLEVER BY HALF 

always glad to see them. May I rely upon you to make proper 
provision for this entertainment ? I have ordered a band, and 
expect the leader here to-day to receive instructions. Let us 
spare no expense, Miss Burgess. I wish the picnic to be suc- 
cessful. Now, pray excuse me. I will come to lunch when I 
have done, and be content with what I can get. I may rely 
upon you ? 

Miss B. Anything you may choose to ask me, Judge, shall 
receive the answer, Yes ! [^Exi^. 

Judge. A good creature, though she has been with me 
long enough ; I should be glad to see her happily married to 
some worthy fellow. And now for these letters. (O^ens let- 
ters. Sofne topical letters may be read here.') And what have 
we here; a twenty dollar bill? "Honored Sir: — I humbly 
beg your Honor's pardon, but the bank note your Honor paid 
for the corn is bad which they won't take it at the Bank and 
hoping to get it exchanged for a good un, I am your humble 
servant, J. Bilger." (^Exajnines bill.) Upon my word, the 
man is right. Now, where did I get that bill? This must be 
seen to. {Lays billon the table.') What else have we ? ( Opens 
more letters.) Bills. Bargains — the usual rubbish. {Knock. 
Enter Nathan Dean.) Well, Nathan ! and what have you 
to report ? 

Nat. Oh ! it's been a hawful week, your washup. I'm 
nearly wore out. 

Judge. Indeed, I thought the village seemed quiet. 

Nat. Ah, yes, but who kep' it quiet ? Why, Nathan 
Dean. Them Boston police 'olds theirselves very 'igh, and 
gets a power o' notice took on 'em, but they ain't got not 'alf 
what I got in the way o' duty. If I 'adn't 'ad the constitoo- 
shion of a hox, your washup, this week would 'a' clean wore 
me to a skelinton. 

Judge. But what has happened this week, Nathan ? 

Nat. Oh, it's that little Tuppins, your washup. He's a 
himp, he is. Whenever he see me, he hollers out "Bobby, 
Bobby," just because I am a Henglishman. I says to him, 
"If you don't mind," I says, "I'll lock yer hup," I says. 
And then hup comes his mother and says she'll show me 
whether I'll lock him hup. And she would, too, as soon as 
look. Oh, she's a hawful woman. And little Tuppins, the 
himp, goes on a-callin' after me till I really am well-nigh wore 
out, and him only just gone into trousers. We shall have to 
get the sojers to him, he's that owdacious. 



TOO CLEVER BY HALF 7 

Judge. I'll speak to him myself. The law must be re- 
spected. 

Nat. Just what I told him, your washup. '*Lor!" he 
says, as bold as brass. "You ain't the lor," he says. 
<'Mother-in-lor more like," he says. He's a himp, he is. 

Judge. I'll speak to him. Anything else occurred ? 

Nat. Nothink else, your washup. Leastways, nothink else 
important. 

Judge. Very well. By the way, Nathan, look here. Some 
one has passed me this counterfeit bill. ( Gives hiiti bill. Nat. 
examines it.) Compare it with this. {Takes out and gives 
him a good bill.) You see it is a bad bill, although a good 
imitation. Do you think you can find out anything about it? 

Nat. I could if I tried, but I'm not a-goin' to try. {Puts 
down the bad bill.) This bill 'ad better mind what it's 
a-doin'. 

Judge. What do you mean ? 

Nat. Why, we've got the man here in the village as'll do 
this job afore you and me could say Jack Robinson. 

Judge. Indeed ; and who is that ? 

Nat. {impressively). Howard Foster. 

Judge. Pray who is Howard Foster? 

Nat. You don't mean to say you ain't 'card of 'Oward 
Foster? Why, the detective from Pinkerton's. 

Judge. Indeed ; and how comes he to be here ? 

Nat. {after cautiously lookifig out of the door). It's this 
way, your washup. Foster he be a single man, and bein' a 
single man, he've naturally took it into 'is 'ead to get married, 
and 'e 'ave took a fancy to your good lady in the 'ouse 'ere. . 

Judge. Miss Burgess ? 

Nat. Yes, your washup — 'er ; he see her in Boston at the 
'orse show, and she struck 'im all of a 'eap. 

Judge. Has he spoken to Miss Burgess ? 

Nat. Well, your washup, it's this way. Foster's a clever 
man an' all that, but he can't find his tongue afore a lady, so 
he asked me to speak to Miss Burgess fust, and make it a bit 
heasy for him, if your washup sees no objection. 

Judge. Well, it is hardly a matter for me to interfere in. 
If Mr. Foster is a desirable man 

Nat. Desirable ! He's the top o' the heap. Shylock 
'Olmes is a babby to 'im. Last month there was some bank 
bills — as it might be this 'ere — passed i' Boston, and one mornin' 
— Toosday morning it was — Foster 'ears tell on it. Well, 



8 TOO CLEVER BY HALF 

Toosday afternoon he sees a party on a car ; innercent-looking 
party in a white 'at. That's 'im ! says Foster. He gets on 
the car, follers the party to Back Bay station. Watches 'im 
into the station, 'ears 'im ask for a ticket to Worcester, takes 
one hisself, follers 'im to Worcester, watches 'im 'ome, and 
takes 'im just when he was settin' down to tea with 'is family. 
Think o' that. 

Judge. And was the man convicted ? 

Nat. Well, it didn't go so far as that, because it didn't 
'appen to be the right man. But, o' course, that warn't Fos- 
ter's fault. 'E didn't make the man. 

Judge. But he appears to have made the mistake. How- 
ever, do what you like in the matter ; I will not interfere. 
Have you anything else to report ? 

Nat. Nothink else, your washup ! What be I to do with 
this bill? 

Judge {writing). Well, you may keep it for the present, 
but don't lose it. 

Nat. (aside; pocketing the good bill with obvious delight). 
Catch me losin' a twenty dollar bill. {Aloud.) Thank you, 
sir. Good-morning, your washup. 

Judge {as he writes). Find out what you can about that 

bill. {Looks up.) Oh! he's gone, is he? Well {Knock. 

Enter Monsieur Gaspard.) Ah ! You are the musician 
from Boston, I suppose? 

Gasp. Zank you, it is vere I am goom from. 

Judgp:. And you can make all the arrangements for music 
at my picnic ? 

Gasp. Zank you, it is vat I am goom for. 

Judge. Your name is 

Gasp. Gaspard, if you please, sare. 

Judge. Well, M. Gaspard, what we want is a little light 
music. I am not a musician myself, but what we want is a 

kind of a — a — little — a — a — not too — a — a You know 

what I mean. 

Gasp. I understand you precisely. I shall give you plenty 
beautiful music. I hef gomposed it myself. 

Judge. Rather a waste of time that, isn't it, when you can 
buy it so cheap? 

Gasp. Sare ! ze music vat I gompose zey cannot sell at any 
price. 

Judge. But if it's so bad as that we mustn't have it here, 
you know. 



TOO CLEVER BY HALF 9 

Gasp. Do you say bad — it is so good — it is the bad music 
vat is sold. 

Judge. They give the good music away, do they ? Well, 
what you will, but let us have something decent. By the way, 
do you do anything in conjuring or fireworks? 

Gasp. Sare, I am not a conjoorer ; I am an artiste. 

Judge. Well, well, I only asked. How many other artists 
shall you bring with you ? 

Gasp. Ze other two are not artistes, zey are Englishmans. 

Judge. Oh 1 three is rather a small band, is it not ? 
, Gasp. Zree is better as a big band. Ven zere is not so 
many instruments, zere is not so many mistakes. Zree of us 
shall make plenty music. Ve shall play a Fantasia descriptive 
which I hev gomposed. It is called ''Ze Summer Shower." 
Ve shall play ze sun shining and ze birds singing, and you will 
hear zat it is a fine day. Zen we shall play the little childrens 
coming out of school and making haste because zey are afraid 
it will be going to rain. Zen we shall play ze rain to come pit- 
pat on ze leaves, and it is so make-believe zat ze ladies and 
gentlemens will put up ze umbrellas — and zen we make ze rain 
come fast till everyzing is wet, and by and by it will stop, and 
ze birds will sing again, and ze sun will shine so zat ze ladies 
will put up ze umbrellas again for fear to be sunburn : it is 
beautiful ; it is magnifique. I hef gomposed it myself. 

Judge. Could you put a little bit on the end to say there 
will be tea in the Conservatory from five to six and fireworks in 
the garden at dusk, for anybody who cares to stay ? 

Gasp. Sare, I shall zink about it. I should be obliged to 
charge a leetle more money. 

Judge. Oh, yes, by the way, what is your charge, M. 
Gaspard ? 

Gasp. It will be twenty dollars altogezer. 

Judge. Then if you don't mind, as I shall be busy on the 
day, I will pay you now. {Aside.) Where is that bill I took 
out? (To Gasp.) Here is a twenty dollar bill. I may 
leave all the rest to you. 

Gasp. I shall give you satisfaction, sare. I wish you good- 
bye. \_Exitf leavi?tg his cane. 

Judge. And now for some lunch. (Rin^s. Enter Miss 
B. ) Ah, Miss Burgess, will you kindly tell Stubbings to bring 
round the buggy after lunch ? I want to put in a day in the 
court house, so you will be left alone in the house till Thurs- 
day, but you won't mind that ? 



10 TOO CLEVER BY HALF 

Miss B. (sighing). I do feel very lonely sometimes, Judge. 
I caiuiot help envying those ladies who have husbands to care 
for them. 

Judge. Well, Miss Burgess, I am not at liberty to speak 
openly, but perhaps you will have an offer before many days. 
Wait and see. 

Miss B. {agitated). Oh, Judge! What do you mean? 
Can it be 

Judge. Patience — patience. All in good time. [Exit. 

Miss B. What can he mean ? Has he made up his mind ? 
It can be nothing else. {Looks after the Judge.) Judge ! 
Judge ! I can make you happy as no one else can. {Turfis 

from the door.) You must know that I adore you 

(Gasp, enters unseen and takes his cane.) I will marry none 
but you. 

Gasp. Pardon, Mademoiselle, vas you speaking to me? 

Miss B. Sir ! Oh, oh ! {Faints — Gasp, supports her.) 

Enter Nat. 

Nat. Oh, my belt and buttons ! Oh, my wig and 
whiskers ! I come to look for a bad twenty dollar bill and 
what do I see ? Oh, that's one on Foster ! 

{Searches papers on the table. Nat. retires on tiptoe.) 



CURTAIN 



ACT II 

SCENE. — The garden-hotise. Nat. is discovered. A cucumber 
(jnade of rolled paper bandaged i?i green cloth) lies upon a 
table. In the rear a partition or curtai?i, some three feet 
high, projecting into room. Plants are standing here a?td 
there. 

Nat. Well, so this is to be the bower o' bliss. Two chairs, 
one cowcumber. {Takes it up and talks to it.) You won't 
tell no tales, will you ? You think yourself lucky you ain't a 
constable. You've only got to lie here nice an' cool till the 
salmon's ready for you, and I've got to lead up to a hoffer of 
marriage to a lady on behalf of a party what's too nervous to 
do it hisself. {Lays down cucumber.') You lay there and 'ear 
me do it. 

Enter Howard Foster. 

FosT. I feel so nervous, Nathan. You can't think how 
nervous I feel. Where my profession is concerned I am a lion. 

Nat. That I well knows, Foster. 

FosT. But where my affections are concerned I am a lamb. 
I am positively afraid of saying a word to her ! 

Nat. Well, a lamb's reckoned very takin' with the ladies 
— much takin'er than what a lion is. 

FosT. No ! do you think so ? 

Nat. In course I do. Cheer up, Foster ! Mary 'ad a lit- 
tle lamb, you know. She never 'ad no little lion. The more 
you ** lambs " the more you'll be took to. 

FosT. You know her, don't you, Nathan ? 

Nat. Well I knows her, Foster. 

FosT. And you'll say a few words to break it to her? just 
to prepare her for my coming. 

Nat. Gladly I will, Foster, and proud to do it. 

FosT. When's she coming, Nathan ? 

Nat. Eleven o'clock. ♦' Will you come at eleven o'clock. 
Miss," I says to 'er, *' and speak to a gentleman ? " *' What 
gentleman?" she says. ''A detective," I says, ''what the 
Judge wishes to find about a twenty dollar bill what ain't 

II 



12 TOO CLEVER BY HALF 

a good un." "Anythink the Judge wishes," she says, ''I'm 
willing to act up to, and I'll be there accordin'." 

FosT. Nathan, you're a genius; you ought to be one of us. 
That's a clever steer about the twenty dollar bill. 

Nat. Bless you, that ain't made up; it's solemn truth. 
You've got to 'elp me about that afterward. 

FosT. Oh ! true, is it ? Ha ! ha ! ho ! ho ! I smell a rat. 

Nat. What, where' s a rat? [Mounts a chair.') 

FosT. I'll help you ! Got a bad bill, have you ? Why, 
I'm on the track of a bill myself, and if your man turns out to 
be my man, we shall kill two bills with one stone — I mean two 
birds with one bill — I mean that as soon as we find out where 
the Judge's bill came from there'll be twenty dollars for 
yourself. You're an intelligent officer, and you and I are after 
the same man ; and we'll have him. You're an honor to the 
force. 

Nat. I've often thought that myself. But I ain't respected 
not as I should be. Now, look 'ere, Foster, what should you 
do if you had a himp as called out Bobby, Bobby, whenever he 
catched sight of you? Just 'cos you was a Henglishman ! 

FosT. Ah, how old? {Takes out his note-book.') 

Nat. About five. 

FosT. Ah ! it's a troublesome age that. Boy, I suppose? 

Nat. Yes, boy ; I can do better with gals. 

FosT. Boys are very difficult to manage. What age did 
you say? 

Nat. About five. 

FosT. About five. What does he call you ? 

Nat. Bobby ! Bobby ! just like that. 

FosT. Scandalous ; it's this education that ruins 'em. I'll 
tell you ! Give him a nickel a week not to call after you. 

Nat. It'll come expensive. 

FosT. Never mind the expense. The law must be respected 
at any cost. 

Nat. You're right, Foster, as usual. You've took a load 
off my mind. 

FosT. Don't mention it. I'll think out a little thing like 
that for you any time. {Clock strikes eleven.) Eleven — and 
there she comes. You'll prepare her, Nathan, won't you? 
{Shakes his hand.) Let me hide somewhere, and I'll come 
out when I've got a bit used to the feeling. 

{Hides behind the partition.) 



TOO CLEVER BY HALF I3 

Enter Miss B. 

Nat. I take it very kindly in you, miss, to come and talk 
over this little matter. 

Miss B. Anything that will further justice, and give satis- 
faction to the Judge, 1 am glad to do. But where is your 
friend, the detective ? 

Nat. Howard Foster? Oh! he'll soon be 'ere, miss. 
He's a wonderful man is Foster — hequal to hanythink. 

(FosT., visible throughout over the screen, encourages Nat.) 

Miss B. Indeed ! I am quite anxious to see him. 

Nat. Ah, you'll take to 'im when you do see 'im, miss. 

Miss B. I have no doubt of it, Nathan. The Judge is for- 
tunate in having the aid of such an officer. 

Nat. The Judge be uncommon put out over this 'ere note. 

Miss B. Naturally. 

Nat. a single man's a lot easier put out than what a mar- 
ried man is. It's a pity the Judge don't get married, miss ! 

Miss B. Oh, Nathan, do you think so ? 

Nat. I do, miss, and if a 'umble man might make so bold, 
it's a pity you don't get married yourself. That there gentle- 
man we've been speakin' of, miss, would be proud to 'ave you, 
only he don't like to say the word. 

Miss B. Oh, Nathan, how can you know what he thinks ? 

Nat. I've heard 'im say so. 

Miss B. Has the Judge spoken of me ? 

Nat. {with puzzled air'). The Judge? (^Recollects.) Oh! 
yes, miss ! The very last time we was together, afore he went 
to Boston, we was talkin' about you in respect o' matrimony. 

Miss B. {aside). The day he spoke so mysteriously. 
{Aloud.) But pray, Nathan, what concern could it be of 
yours ? 

Nat. Well, miss, I was to say a few words first to make 
ready like, and break it to you, miss. 

Miss B. {aside). Who would have supposed the Judge 
could be so shy? {To Nat.) I trust you are not deceiving 
me. 

Nat. Deceive you ! oh, miss ! When a gentleman I respect 
and 'onor has set his 'eart on a lady, could I deceive her? 

Miss B. I trust you, Nathan — but it is so strange — and it is 
time the Judge had returned. Oh ! how apprehensive I feel. 
(Aside.) To think he should make me an offer through 
Nathan ! 



14 TOO CLEVER BY HALF 

Nat. There is no cause to be afeard, miss. You have this 
little talk with Foster, and I'll keep a lookout for the Judge. 
He won't mind. 

FosT. {emerging'). At your service, madame. 

\^Exit Nat., behind partition. 

Miss B. {startled). Oh ! where have you come from ? 

FosT. In my profession, dear lady, we come and go mys- 
teriously. Yet now I am here I am all trepidation at the 
thought of addressing you. 

Miss B. You have no cause whatever for apprehension. 
{Delight of FosT.) I know something of your errand already. 
You have come here to seek 

FosT. I have come to seek some one upon whom I have 
long had my eye ; and now that my errand prospers, I am more 
than happy. Little did I expect to make my capture as easily 
as you encourage me to hope will be the case. 

Miss B. I rejoice in your rapid success no less than you do 
yourself, and it will also be gratifying to the Judge. I am very 
glad, indeed. Nathan implied that you were quite irresistible. 

FosT. Oh, Miss Burgess ! if my manner seems to you 
somewhat abrupt, pray attribute it to my nerves. You know 
my errand here, and why I wished to speak to you ? 

Miss B. I think I understood it from Nathan that you 
wished to have my cooperation, but I fear you will find me a 
poor partner for so skilled a person as yourself. 

FosT. Oh ! don't say that — only assure me you are willing 
to try it. 

Miss B. Pray do not doubt that; I am most willing. 
(FosT. begins to act absurdly, smiling sentimeiitally and strik' 
ing attitudes. Miss B. takes alarm.) But really I fear I must 
leave you now. We can talk of this another time. 

{Moves toward door.) 

FosT. {sentimentally). Must you go? 

Miss B. Indeed I must ! Good-bye. {Going.) 

FosT. Before you go, just one 

Miss B. Not another word now, I beg. I must indeed 
leave you. \^Exit. 

FosT. {excitedly). She consents; she's mine. Nathan, 
come out here. {Drags him out.) Shake hands. How can 
I ever repay you, old friend ? You prepared the way mag- 
nificently. There was hardly a word left for me to say. 

Nat. It was your heye as done it, Foster. 



TOO CLEVER BY HALF I5 

FoST. No, do you think so ? Anyhow it is done. Isn't 
she charming ? 

Nat. Oh, she's a nice young — I mean old — I should say 
middle-aged lady, and she 'as a lovin' 'art. 

FosT. Has she now ? I thought she seemed a trifle — well, 
cautious. 

Nat. Oh, she 'as a lovin' 'art. Why, it was only day 
afore yesterday I 'ear 'er adorin' a furrin gentleman and restin' 
in 'is arms quite lovin'. 

FosT. You lie. {^Chase and capture of ^ hi.) Now, rec- 
reant, speak. It is false ! 

Nat. Don't take on like that, Foster. It's nothin' to take 
on about. All ladies is that way. 

FoST. {shaking him). A foreigner didst thou say? Didst 
thou smite him down, didst brain him, didst flay him, didst 
tear him asunder ? Speak ! 

Nat. Did I ? No, in course not. This, 1 says, is Howard 
Foster's job. I ain't goin' to touch it, and no more I did. 

FosT. {bursting into tears'). Forgive me, Nathan ; I am 
unstrung. There ; 'tis over. I will be a man again. A for- 
eigner, did you say ? 

Nat. Yes ; short gentleman, long 'air, looked like a fiddler. 

FosT. Let me but find him, and he shall never fiddle more. 

Nat. {looking out). Hallo! Sh! 

FosT. What now ? 

Nat. Strangers. 

FosT. The plot thickens. Quick, let us hide. Here! 

{Hide behind the partition ^ over which their heads now and 
then appear.) 

Enter A. Sharp and B. Flat. 

Sharp. Is this the place he told us to meet him at ? 
Flat. Yes, bottom of the garden, second turning after the 
pump \ it's all right. 

(Nat. a7id Fost. 7nake signals to each other and take notes.) 

Sharp. Well, what does he want to bring us here for? 
We ain't paid to run about a garden after him, even if we are 
Union men. 

Flat. He wants to say something about some notes that 
went wrong. There seems to be something amiss with 'em, to 
his thinking. 



l6 TOO CLEVER BY HALF 

(Excitement of Nat. and Fost. throughout.) 

Sharp. The notes are right enough, and what if they're 
not? These country bumpkins can't tell the difference; noth- 
ing's good enough for these Frenchmen, it seems. V^ 

Flat. No, no, Sharp : speak fair ; the man has his living 
to get if he is a foreigner. He's taken a heap of trouble over 
this affair, and naturally he wants it to go off well. 

Sharp. You're always too easy going, Flat ; what does 
he want to make all this fuss for if two or three notes did go 
wrong ? 

Flat. Never mind, man. We'll be away from this to- 
night, and then it'll be all over. 

Sharp. Well, hang me if I can stand a foreigner for a 
leader. You never know where you have 'em. 

Flat. Here he comes anyhow ; let's hear what he has to 
say. 

Enter Gks?., fussily. 

Gasp. Ah ! zentlemen, here ve are. I vish to talk over zings 
quietly, so zat everyzing shall go off well, and we shall not be 
disgraced. 

Sharp. Well, Munseer, what is it ? 

Gasp. You was doing very bad. Some of ze notes vat you 
hef made yesterday is bad, vile, and I cannot pass them. 

Flat. We've done the best we could, Munseer. They're 
very awkward notes to get right. 

Gasp. Ah ! ze Englishman is not good artist. He is 
clumsy, gauche, stupid. 

Sharp. Now, look here, Munseer; we're putting you in the 
way of making a bit of money to-day, and you ought to be 
grateful. There is one thing a Union man can do, and that 
is, strike. Say another word, and we strike, me and Flat. 
Where will you be then ? 

Flat. What Sharp says, I fall in with. We're helping you 
to make money, and you must be civil. 

Gasp. Zentlemans, I beg your pardon. I forgot to say that 
if you play your parts well, I shall gif you double vat I haf 
promised. 

Sharp. Now, why didn't you say that before ? That's busi- 
ness, that is. 

Flat. Leave it to us, Munseer. We'll see you through all 
right. 



TOO CLEVER BY HALF 1 7 

Gasp. Ah ! zat is good. I zank you very much. Just al- 
low me to say one leetle vord, Mr. Flat, you will begin viz the 
bass notes, one, two, zree, four. You will be very careful. 
Mr. Sharp, you follow viz ze tenor, vich is more difficult, but if 
you mind vat you are doing, I shall not be afraid. Now, zen- 
tlemen, ve shall haf some refreshments togezer. 

Sharp. Much obliged, I'm sure. 

Flat. Thank you, Munseer. You do understand what's 
what, anyhow. [^Exeunt. 

(Nat. and Yost, come forward.) 

Nat. Oh, the villins. Oh, the schemin' rascals. That I 
should live to 'ear the likes o' that. 

FosT. Nathan, this is a pretty little thing we've come in for. 
Now we know where the notes come from. 

(Nat. and Fost. take out note-books.) 

Nat. You 'card him say he had some notes what 'e couldn't 
pass? You know that we Henglishmen halways says notes 
when we means bills. 

Fost. Yes, I've got that down. You heard him offer to 
pay these men double if it all went right ? 

Nat. Yes, and one of 'em has four base notes. 

Fost. Yes ! those must be "twenties," and the other man 
has the ** tenner." 

Nat. What shall we do ? 

Fost. Do ? Why, arrest them. 

Nat. My Mrs. don't like me arrestin' strangers. It ain't 
safe. 

Fost. Oh, it's quite safe. One naturalized American is 
worth three Britishers. Why [feeling Nat.'s arni)^ here's a 
biceps we don't get in Boston. You go quietly behind him 
and take him by the arms, and there you are. 

Nat. Me ! Oh, no, Foster, no ! That's your modesty. 
You must arrest him, and I'll 'elp you if 'e is violent. 

Fost. No ! Nathan, you shall arrest him, and I'll witness 
the arrest. You'll want a witness. 

Nat. No ! Foster, you was on the job first. You come 
down 'ere to catch 'em. I never 'eard o' these notes till long 
after. 

Fost. I couldn't think of it, Nathan. It wouldn't be 
friendly. You'll get your salary raised after this. 



l8 TOO CLEVER BY HALF 

Nat. What's the good o' bein' raised when your wife's a 
widder ? 

FosT. Why, she'll have the pension. 

Nat. Oh, Foster, you don't know 'er. She'd waste it all 
with me not there. She's a wonderful extravagant woman. 
Besides, you want to stop his fiddlin'. 

FosT. What ! is that the foreigner ? 

Nat. He's the very man. 

FosT. Then he is mine. Though he were twenty foreigners 
he should not escape me. You'll keep close to me, won't you, 
Nathan, and — and have a share in the credit ? 

Nat. Yes, Foster, we'll keep close together. 

FosT. Then his doom is sealed. He shall learn that 
Howard Foster cannot be thwarted with impunity. Ere this 
eventful day has reached its close, I will have his — a — (looking 
nervously round) his name and address. (Enter Gasp.) 
'Tis he ! 

Nat. It's him ! {Aside J) You've got to tackle 'im, you 
know. 

FosT. (aside). One moment, and I am ready. You'll not 
see me overpowered, Nathan, will you ? (To Gasp.) To shake 
hands with you, sir, is an honor we little counted on. We're 
glad to see you. 

{They shake one hand each — slowly cease — and retain his 
wrists.) 

Gasp. If you hef finished, I shall be glad to be released. 

FosT. Many a better man has said the same. 

Nat. This is Howard Foster, this is. 

Gasp. Release me at once, or I shall hef you at ze law. 

Nat. We har the lor — 'im and me. 

Fost. Don't you know the uniform? This is Nathan Dean, 
chief constable of this town. 

Gasp. It is no matter. I demand to know why I am de- 
tained. 

Fost. All in good time. Feel his pockets, Nathan, and 
see whether he has any of these bills on him. 

(Fost. takes both Gasp.'s wrists.) 

Nat. {taking out pocketbook). 'Ere's the harticle. Proof 
positive — caught red-handed. The case is complete. 

{Puts empty pocketbook into Gasp.'s pocket.) 



TOO CLEVER BY HALF IQ 

Gasp. Excuse me, the case is not complete; you hef re- 
moved my note. 

FosT. You admit that it is yours. 

Gasp. It is mine altogezer. I hef made it viz my own 
exertions, viz my skill, viz my art. 

FosT. Take down his confession, Nathan. 

Nat. All right ; *ow do you spell exertions ? 

Gasp. I insist zat you let me go. I hef important engage- 
ments. Two zentlemens are awaiting me. 

FosT. We know all about that, but two gentlemen have got 
you. 

Gasp. Zen I break loose. 

{They struggle. Nat. dances round at a safe distance. 
Gasp, breaks loose. "^hT. fells him with the cucumber.') 

FoST. {mopping his face). Safe at last. Nathan, you're a 
credit to the force. 

Nat. I've often thought that myself. {They shake hands.) 



CURTAIN 



ACT III 

SCENE— 7%^ Judge's study. 

{A group is discovered, consistifig of Nat., Fost., and 
Gasp., in custody with bandaged head.) 

Fost. Set him up in the corner where he can be seen. 

Gasp. 1 demand to see ze justice. 

Nat. Hold your tongue, and don't speak when you ain't 
spoke to. 

Gasp. You shall be paid for zis. 

Nat. I expects to be. You can speak the truth, I see, 
when you like. Speak it to the gentleman what's comin' to 
'ear it. 

Enter Judge. 

Judge. Well, Nathan, what have we here ? I hear you are 
waiting to see me. 

Nat. Me and Howard Foster, your wash up, has found the 
party which 'as been a-passin' bad notes ; we arrested 'im this 
mornin' and brought 'im along, your washup. 

Judge. And this is Howard Foster? We are much in- 
debted to you, Mr. Foster, if what Nathan says is true. 

Fost. Sir, any little professional service 1 can do to this 
village and this house, and yourself, sir, 1 do with pleasure. 
I have been made a happy man in this place, and if I can at 
any time arrest a forger or two or look up a murder, I shall be 
very happy to run down and do it. 

Judge. Ah ! I recollect you were to have an interview with 
Miss Burgess. Am I to understand that it has terminated 
favorably ? 

Fost. Thanks to Nathan here, your honor, Miss Burgess 
has consented to be mine. Nathan, sir, is an honor to the 
force. 

Judge. Well, Mr. Foster, I congratulate you. You will 
have an excellent partner. 

FosT. It was the very word she used, sir, and I am sure 
you are right. I am greatly obliged to you. 

20 



TOO CLEVER BY HALF 21 

Judge. And now what is the business that brings us here ? 

Nat. Foster and me, sir, has capiivaled this foreign person 
as bein' guilty of utterin' forged bank-notes by his own con- 
fession took down by me, Nathan Dean, 'avin' found also a 
forged note in 'is pocket bein' the truth, the 'ole truth, and 
nothin' but the truth, as Foster well knows. 

Judge. Is this the case, Foster ? 

FosT. It is, your honor. I came down here, not only with 
a view to the little private matter which has ended so happily, 
but also with a view to business. Being in pursuit of a forger 
on instructions from Pinker ton's, I found from Nathan that 
some one was passing counterfeit bills here, and I am satisfied 
that this is the man we were both in want of. 

Judge. Surely I have seen this man before. 

Gasp. Sare, you hef entrusted to me ze music for ze 
picnic. 

Judge. Of course I have. M. Gaspard, is it not ? 

Gasp. Ze same, and I assure you zat it was all a mistake. 

Judge. If you have been passing counterfeit bills, it was 
a serious mistake, as you will discover. 

Gasp. No, sare. Vat I say is zat it is all false vat zese 
stupid men hef told you. 

Judge. What have you to say to this, Nathan ? I shall 
want M. Gaspard for the picnic this afternoon. I am no musi- 
cian myself, but I fancy he will not play the violin so com- 
fortably with handcuffs on. What is the evidence ? 

Nat. {taking out note-book). Yesterday, your washup, me 
and Foster was in the garden-'ouse at ten minutes arter eleven, 
when we 'ears footmarks. 

Judge. You heard what ? 

Nat. Footprints, your washup, and two indivijuals came 
in, and begun to commence to 'ave a conversation, me and 
Foster bein' congealed, and out of 'earing. 

FosT. Out of sight, Nathan. 

Nat. Yes, behind a petition. 

Judge. Behind a what ? 

Nat. Be'ind the petition in the garden-'ouse, your washup. 
Just after the lady had called in and made Foster a 'appy man. 

Judge. That occurred in the garden-house, did it ? Well, 
what did you hear from behind the partition ? 

Nat. Well, your washup, it was like this 'ere : me and 
Foster was just talkin' over this little success with your good 
lady in the 'ouse, when we 'ears footprints, and two indivijuals 



22 TOO CLEVER BY HALF 

comes in and begins to commence to 'ave a conversation, and 
we 'ides be'ind the petition. 

Judge. But what did you hear ? 

Nat. We 'eard the conversation, your washup. 

Judge. What was it about ? 

Nat. About ten minutes past eleven, your washup. 

Judge. Yes, yes; don't you see I want the evidence? 
You've brought this musician here and accused him of passing 
bad bills. 1 want the evidence. 

Nat. Certainly, your washup. It was like this 'ere. Me 
and Foster was just a-talkin' over this little love affair when we 
'ears footprints, and two indivijuals came in and begins to 
commence to 'ave a conversation, and so me and Foster 'ides 
be'ind the petition. 

Judge. And what did they say? 

Nat. It's just what I'm a-goin' to tell your washup. It 
was like this 'ere; me and Foster 

Judge. No, no, no. Stand down. Mr. Foster, will you 
oblige me with the evidence? 

FosT. Certainly, sir. The two men to whom Nathan 
refers 

Judge. Are they in custody ? 

Nat. I've got my heye on 'em, your washup. 

Judge. Very good ; now proceed. 

FosT. The conversation related, your honor, entirely to 
forged notes. This man came in, evidently by appointment, 
spoke angrily, complained that he couldn't pass certain notes, 
and at last promised double shares to the others if they would 
get them off his hands. 

Gasp. Sare ! I hef said nozing of ze kind. It is an in- 
vention. 

Nat. Well, that is a whopper. You see, your washup, it 
was like this 'ere. Me and Foster 

Judge. Yes, we have heard that already. Where are these 
two men ? Go and fetch them. (^Exit Nat.) M. Gaspard, 
what have you to say to all this ? 

Gasp. Sare, ze conversation vat I hef had vas not mention- 
ing bank-notes. Ze story zey hef told you is false. Zay hef 
gomposed it zemselves. I am unguilty of nozing at all. 

Enter Nat. with Flat and Sharp. 

Judge. Are these the two men ? 
Nat. They are, your washup. 



TOO CLEVER BY HALF 23 

Judge. You recognize them, Mr. Foster? 

FosT. I do, sir. 

Judge. What is your name ? 

Flat. Flat, sir. 

Judge. And yours? 

Sharp. Sharp, sir. 

Judge. What brings you to this place ? 

Flat. We are a orchestra, sir. 

Judge. You had a conversation with this gentleman in my 
garden-house ? 

Sharp. We had, sir. 

Judge. It was about some counterfeit bank-notes, I am 
told. 

Flat. No, sir, we never heard anything about any bank- 
notes ; did we, Sharp ? r^ 

Sharp. Never heard a word about 'em. 

Nat. Oh, what a whopper. You see. Judge, it was like 
this 'ere. Me and Foster was a-talkin' over this little love 
affair when we 'ears footprints 

Judge. Yes, yes, you mentioned that before. This is a 
most puzzling business. You are sure these are the men ? 

FosT. Certain, your honor. 

Enter Miss B., who starts slightly on seeing Gasp. 

Miss B. I beg your pardon, Judge ; I did not know you 
were engaged. 

Judge. Pray remain. Miss Burgess; you may possibly help 
us. I beheve (excuse me for referring to a delicate matter so 
publicly) that you paid a visit to the garden-house yesterday. 

Miss B. Oh, Judge ! 

Judge. I sincerely hope that you are satisfied with the 
result of it. Miss Burgess. 

Miss B. Oh, I am sure I am. How can you entertain a 
moment's doubt, Judge? I am a very fortunate woman. 

Judge. And Nathan did his errand well ? He proved an 
acceptable mediator ? 

Miss B. None could have done it better; he approached 
the matter with the utmost delicacy. 

Judge. And now, Miss Burgess, may I ask whether you 
saw anybody else in or near the garden-house besides Nathan 
and Mr. Foster? 

Miss B. Nobody at all, Judge. 



24 TOO CLEVER BY HALF 

FosT. May I put a question to you without intruding? 
After that happy interview yesterday, when you consented to 
become my wife 

Miss B. Oh, you horrid man. Your wife indeed. Judge, 
let me be protected from this insolence. 

FosT. Insolence ! Can my ears be deceiving me ? I 
offered you my hand, madam, and you accepted it. You said 
you would be my partner. 

Miss B. It is not the case, sir, and you must know it. 

Nat. Oh ! what whoppers people is tellin'. You see. Judge, 
it was like this 'ere : me and Foster 

Judge. Do not add to the confusion, Nathan. Be good 
enough to tell us. Miss Burgess, exactly what occurred in the 
garden-house. I am puzzled beyond measure. 

Miss B. My story is a very simple one, and if you wish, 
Judge, I will tell it. As soon as Nathan told me that you were 
anxious to make me an offer of marriage 

Nat. Oh, what whoppers ! I never said nothing of the 
sort. A woman of your age, too. I'm ashamed of you, I am. 

Miss B. Judge, it was true, was it not ? Do not tell me I 
have been deceived. 

Judge. Upon my word, this is bewildering. Is there any- 
body present who can speak the truth ? 

Gasp. Sare, I can. Zis lady told me she would marry 
nobody but me. 

{Sensation; MissB. fain fs.) 

Judge. Then pray take her and be off. Take her quietly 
before she comes round and denies it. 

FosT. One moment, please, your honor. This man is under 
arrest. 

Judge. I have had enough of that matter. There is not a 
particle of evidence. 

FosT. Excuse me, your honor, a counterfeit note was found 
in his pocketbook, and is now in Nathan's possession. 

Judge. Is this so, Nathan ? 

Nat. 'Ere is the very harticle, your washup. 

{Produces a bill.') 

Judge {examining note). It is undoubtedly a counterfeit 
bill. (To Gasp.) How did you come by this? 

Gasp. Sare, you hef gave it me yourself in payment of ze 
music. 



TOO CLEVER BY HALF 2$ 

Judge. I gave it you? Nathan, didn't I give you that 
counterfeit note? 

Nat. I am sure your washup wouldn't think of such a 
thing. Your washup was kind enough to give me a proper 
twenty dollar bill. 

Judge. Nathan, you are a fool. M. Gaspard, I beg your 
pardon. By mistake Nathan took away a good bill, and I 
paid you the bad one he left. Is this business over at last? 

FosT. No, Judge, it is not. My instructions from Pinker- 
ton's are to find the man who is passing these bills, and Pink- 
erton's respects no person. The bill, sir, has been traced to 
you 

Judge. Do you suppose ? 

FosT. Pinkerton's never supposes, but Pinkerton's means to 
sift this matter to the bottom. I shall be obliged to you for an 
account of the manner in which this note came into your pos- 
session. 

Judge. We all wish to sift this matter to the bottom, and 
though I dislike your manner, sir, you shall know the facts. I 
received the note from a respectable widow, Mrs. Wordy, in 
payment of rent. Nathan, fetch Mrs. Wordy. 

Gasp. Sare, may I be allowed to speak ? You hef called 
ze policeman a fool ; he is a fool. Zis gentleman (/^ Fost.) 
is also a fool. I hef discovered it. Ve hef spoken, zese gen- 
tlemen and myself, of ze notes ve shall play zis afternoon. Ze 
policemans hef mistaken music notes for bank- notes. Zey are 
stoopid men. {^Laughter of Flat and Sharp.) 

Judge. What does Pinkerton's say to this? 

Fost. If Pinkerton's has made a mistake in the beginning, 
Pinkerton's is going to be right in the end ; I mean to have the 
man who circulated that note. 

Judge {to Gasp.). You and your band may go, unless it 
pleases you to stay and see what happens. 

(Nat. and Mrs. Wordy heard without.') 

Mrs. W. How dare you hurry me like this? Couldn't 
you have given a body time to dress herself decently ? I'll tell 
your wife, and then you know what you'll get. What does 
the Judge want me for? Why can't you answer, you 

great {Etiter Nat. a?id Mrs. W.) Good-day, Judge; 

good-day, gentlemen, all. What a fine day for the picnic ! 
What a fortunate thing it is that the rain has kept off. I can't 



26 TOO CLEVER BY HALF 

bear the rain at any time, but it would have been unlucky to 
have it wet to-day. 

FosT. I see that Mrs. Wordy is my landlady at the Penrose . 

Inn, your worship. With your leave, I will question her my- | 

self. Mrs. Wordy, will you attend to me ? i 

Mrs. W. I'm sure 1 have attended to you, Mr. Foster, as I 

attentive as mortal woman could. This very morning have 
I been hours and hours mending for you, and that a shirt which 
is more like a fishing net for the holes it has. If you didn't 
wear paper collars and cuffs 

FosT. Silence, woman. 

Mrs. W. Woman, indeed ; well, I never ! And what are 
you? A man, I suppose. Oh, no, you ain't that; don't 
think it. 

FosT. Listen to me. 

Mrs. W. Yes, I'm a-listening, but I don't expect to hear 
anything of any sense. If I do it'll be the first time. 

FosT. You paid the Judge a twenty dollar bill this 
week? 

Mrs. W. Yes, that I did, and I always pays my rent on 
the very day, which is more than a-many does, as his honor 
well knows. 

FosT. Where did you get that bill ? 

Mrs. W. Where did I get it ? Oh, dear me. A pretty 
question that. I'm not Hstening to you for nothing. Where 
did I get that bill ? Am I Hkely to forget, seeing the trouble I 
had to get it ? It was you paid it me, when at last you 
did pay, for board and lodging, and little enough, too, consid- 
ering what I've had to put up with. Where did I get it, 
indeed ? 

FosT. {after hurriedly examining his pocketbook). Upon 
my word. Ha ! ha ! This is very funny. Really. Ha ! ha ! 
a most amusing mistake. If I haven't paid Mrs. Wordy the 
very note they gave me to investigate. Very amusing, upon 
my word. 

Judge, Pardon me, it is not at all amusing. Pinkerton's 
have traced this note to the end, and come round to the begin- 
ning again. I hope it is satisfied, but we are not. 

Nat. Don't be hard on 'im, your washup. You see, it's 
like this 'ere : Me and Foster 

Judge. Thank you, we have all had enough of Foster. 
{To FosT.) If you pay Mrs. Wordy and leave the village at 
once, we will say no more, but if not 



TOO CLEVER BY HALF 27 

Nat. Please, your washup, he said I was to have twenty 
dollars if we found out where the note came from. 

Judge. If that is so, that money must be paid also. 

FosT. Your worship, I — I cannot pay. Pray give me time. 

Mrs. W. Give him six months, Judge. 

Judge. If you really cannot pay your debts, the constable 
shall detain you. 

(Nat. arrests hiftt.) 

Gasp. (Jo Fost.). You hef had enough of notes ; you hef 
now got a rest. You gif us all a rest. Eh ? 

I^at''} Hear, hear! 

Miss B. (reviving). Oh ! what am I to do ? 

Judge. I hope these unfortunate mistakes will not prevent 
your remaining to be the excellent housekeeper I have always 
found you. 

Nat. You see, yer washup, it's like this 'ere: me and 
Foster 

Judge. You and Foster, as you now are, give us all great 
satisfaction. The rest of us will go and prepare for the picnic. 
You, Mr. Howard Foster, of Pinkerton's, may go and expe- 
rience the result of being ** too clever by half." 



CURTAIN 



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By IV. M. Blatt 
Six males, four females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. 
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Nancy Gi.ov'EK, Juveniie lead. 

Rita Glover, her sister ; ingenue. 

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Helen Pinckley 

Julia Marden x. -^ _ -v 

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Estelle Freeman 

Margaret Mallory^ 

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Lavinia, sixteen years old. 



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Scenery, two interiors ; costumes, modern. Plays an hour and a half. A 
lively college farce, full of the true college spirit. Its cast is large, but 
many of the parts are small and incidental. Introduces a good deal of 
singing, which will serve to lengthen the performance. Recommended 
highly for coeducational colleges. Price^ i^ cents 

OUR WIVES 

A Farce in Three Acts by Anthony E. Wills. Seven males, four fe- 
males. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. Plays two hours and 
a half. A bustling, up-to-date farce, full of movement and action ; all 
the parts good and effective ; easy to produce ; just the thing for an ex- 
perienced amateur club and hard to spoil, even in the hands of less 
practical players. Free for amateur performance. Price^ 2_§ cents 

THE SISTERHOOD OF BRIDGET 

A Farce in Three Acts by Robert Elwin Ford. Seven males, six fe- 
males. Costumes, modern ; scenery, easy interiors. Plays two hours. 
An easy, effective and very humorous piece turning upon the always in- 
teresting servant girl question. A very unusual number of comedy parts; 
all the parts good. Easy to get up and well recommended. Price^2^ centt 



New Plays 



THE COLONEL'S MAID 

A Comedy in Three Acts 

By C. Leona Dalrymple 

Author of**The Time of His Life" '*The Land of Night,"' etc. 

Six males, three females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. 
Plays a full evening. An exceptionally bright and amusing comedy, full 
of action ; all the parts good. Capital Chinese low comedy part ; two 
first-class old men. This is a very exceptional piece and can be strongly 
recommended. Price, 2^ cents 

CHARACTERS 

Colonel Robert Rudd, a widower of 1 

CoLo'lfEf Ric^Hf RD BVRD,. wido^er\ 'nortally antagonistic. 

of South Carolina J 

RmfRimn ^^ \ f^ot so antagonistic as their respective fathers, 

Mrs. J. John Carroll, a widow, and Colonel Rudd' s sister- 

in-law. 
Julia Carroll, her daughter. 

Ned Graydon, a yoting gentleman of exceedingly faulty memory. 
Mr. James Baskom, Colonel Rudd' s lawyer. 
Ching-ah-ling, the Chinese cook, a bit impertinent but byfarih* 

most important individual in the cast. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — Early morning in the kitchen of the Rudd bachelor 
establishment. 

Act II. — The Rudd library, five days later. 
Act III. — The same. Evening of the same day, 

BREAKING THE ENGAGEMENT 

A Farce in One Act 
By W. C. Parker 
Two males, one female. Costumes, modern ; scene, an interior. Plays 
twenty minutes. A quick playing little piece suitable for vaudeville use. 
Very bright and snappy and strongly recommended. 

Price, 15 cents 

A PAPER MATCH 

A Farce in One Act 
By E. W. Burt, M. D. 
Two males, two females. Costumes, modern ; scene, an interior. Plays 
thirty- five minutes. Four rustic characters, all good. The heroine ad- 
vertises for a husband and gets her aunt's old beau to their mutual horror. 
Very funny, easy and effectivca Price, ij cents 



B. U). Pinero's Plays 

Price, 50 0etit$ Eacb 



iij||T\ /<irf i^kjMCf Play in Four Acts. Six males, five females. 
IVIlU-vlliiLililEilj Costum^es, modern; scenery, three interiors. 
Plays two and a half hours. 

THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH S^S" E.g^hJ 

males, five females. Costumes, modem; scenery, all interiors. 
Plays a full evening. 

THI7 PDflFI ir* ATF Play in Four Acts. Seven males, five 
lIlEi 1 I\V/rijiVX/Vi£i females. Scenery, three interiors, rather 
elaborate ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

TUr CPUnnf MICTDFCQ Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, 
ini!i OdlUtFLluIiJ I IvEiOO seven females. Costumes, mod- 
ern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY ^^H^^SZXi 

females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Pla3i3 a 
full evening. 

QWFITT I AVFWnFP Comedyin Three Acts. Seven males, 
uWCiEil LiA V Julil/Eil\ four females. Scene, a single interior, 
costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

TUr TUf TMnrDDHI T Comedy in Four Acts. Ten males, 
inC inUilUEiIVDvlLil nine females. Scenery, three interi- 
ors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

THI7 TIMFQ Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. 
inC iliTl£aiJ Scene.asingle interior; costumes, modern. Plays 
a. full evening. 

TUP WrAirrP QFY comedy in Three Acts. Eight males, 
inC W £iil.IV,CiIV 0£iA eight females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery, two interiors. Plays a f uU evening. 

A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE g?rS.S,fLV?^4?": 

Costumes, modern ; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Wnlttv J^. pafeer Sc Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



-St '^ CONGRESS 




015 910 073T 

%tttnt popular ^la^s 



THF AWAITFNlNIi ^^*y ^" ^°"'' ^^^^- ^^ ^- ^- chambeks. 

iUC AtT AIVl«lilliU Four males, six females. Scenery, not diffi- 
cult, chiefly interiors ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 
Price, 50 Cents. 

THE FRUITS OF ENUfiBTENMENT ^X^oSJ^^tZ- 

one males, eleven females. Scenery, characteristic interiors ; cos- 
tumes, modern. Plays a full evening. Recommended for reading 
clubs. Price, 85 Cents. 

HIS EXCELLENCY THE fiOVERNOR I^'^Jfi"Bl^^.t^%?2 

males, three females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, one interior. 
Acting rights reserved. Time, a full evening. Price, 60 Cents. 

MITIFAT HIISRAND comedy in Four Acts. By Oscar Wilde. 
lultALt IWJUtiiMf Nine males, six females. Costumes, mod- 
ern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. Acting rights 
reserved. Sold for reading. Price, 60 Cents. 

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEINfi EARNEST Hir ^? S^ca°S 

Wilde. Five males, four females. Costumes, modem ; scenes, two 
interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. Acting rights re- 
served. Price, 60 Cents. 

LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN 'y?rtl?iV.^^^t'&s:^lSl''il 

males. Costumes, modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full 
evening. Acting rights reserved. Price, 60 Cents. 

NATHAN HAT F I*lay JJi Four Acts. By Clyde' Fitch. Fifteen 
iiAl 11/111 UAUit males, four females. Costumes of the eighteenth 
century in America. Scenery, four interiors and two exteriors. Act- 
ing rights reservfed. Plays a full evening. Price, 60 Cents. 

THF OTHFR FFTIHW Comedy in Three Acts. ByM. B. Horne. 
lUL ViUL.a ILLtLiVJl gix males, four females. Scenery, two 
interiors ; costumes, modern. Professional stage rights reserved. 
Plays a full evening. Price, 50 Cents. 

THF TYRANNY ftF TFARS comedy in Four Acts. By C. H. 
lUC linAiini Vr iCAI\J chambers. Four males, three fe- 
males. Scenery, an interior and an exterior ; costumes, modern. 
Acting rights reserved. Plays a full evening. Price, 60 Cents. 

A WOMAN OF NO IMPORTANCE ^oTfiV^lIi^Lt^^.^J. 

seven females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, three interiors and an 
exterior. Plays a full evening. Stage rights reserved. Offered for 
reading only. " Price, 60 Cents. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

5^alter "$. Bafier & Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



m. 4. PARKHILL A CO., PNtNTCR*. BOSTON. 



